Before I tell you What I Should NOT Have Said to My 6-Year Old, let me give you a little background leading up to what happened.
Keyan recently turned 6-years old. Leading up to his birthday, I noticed lots of changes, good changes. He was becoming more independent, decisive, adventurous, basically growing out of being a toddler and becoming a kid!
One change that I wasn’t too fond of was the shift from wanting mom for everything to wanting Dad. It was a hard one for me because from the beginning, it’s always been mom for everything, from tucking in at night, to the owies, for comfort, you mention it, mom was the first person to be asked.
All of a sudden, things were different. Now it was dad who was being called for everything and mom came in second. I’m not going to lie, I felt a little sad and I felt jealous. Yes, that’s right, I felt jealous that my son wanted his dad more than me. My husband and I talked about it and I know it’s normal for those changes to happen, but I couldn’t help how I was feeling.
So here comes the part of What I Should NOT Have Said To My 6-Year Old. One evening, the other week, the four of us were together for bedtime routine. I was reading books to the kids before it was time to sleep. Then my son said, “I want Daddy to put me to bed.”
It might not seem like a big deal, but for me it was. My husband and I each tuck one kid in and we alternate nights. But both kids always want me to put them to bed. And now it seemed like more often, Keyan wanted his dad, not me. So when he said that again, I felt a little twist in the gut and before I could stop myself, I said to Keyan, “Why don’t you just let your dad put you to bed every night?”
And it wasn’t in a happy way, it was in a slight undertone way. Who was I! How could I say that to my little guy who was just expressing what he was wanting?. He wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. Yet their I was, reacting like a jealous teenager.
It might have been a little bit better, if Keyan hadn’t noticed and it didn’t affect him. But that’s the worse part, it did! His face got sad, his voice got sad and he said, “But Mummy, I want you to put me to bed tomorrow.” My husband met my eyes and gave me a look. And I knew. I didn’t even need that look. I couldn’t believe what I had said and worse, that I had made my son feel bad for wanting his dad.
Not so great eh? And here I am, sharing it all with you. Why? Partly because I want to share the ups and downs of being a mom and show that no one is perfect. Partly because I’m hoping that I’m not alone when I reacted this way towards a 6-year old.
Have you ever had a situation where you’ve reacted in a bad way or said something you really regret to a child?
12 thoughts on “What I Should NOT Have Said To My 6-Year Old”
Aw.. your son sounds so cute. With mine, it’s still at the mommy first stage!
Yes, the mommy stage is always the first one
Thanks for sharing this, Salma. Mom or not, we’re all human! My husband often receives the brunt of my comments like this, but like you, I always admit when I’m wrong and try to work on it.
I guess this is something that arises in all relationships Parita, we just have to realize and work on on it for sure. Thanks!
Salma, your vulnerability to learn from this is just one of many lessons to come. It is important that parents realize they are learning along the way and to be gentle with themselves in the process. The voice we carry inside ourselves is the voice our children will hear too. Sounds like a loving and honest voice.
Thank yo so much Ron, I really appreciate your kind and insightful words.
We all say things we regret after, girlie!! Don’t beat yourself up. Kids are super forgiving and what’s more you recognised it and you’ll know better next time.
Aw! It’s ok, Salma… we are all humans. There are probably countless times I’ve reacted this way to my husband, especially when it comes to the in-laws cause my parents will try to be extra nice to him and give him preference since he is new the family and I will get jealous! But it’s a work in progress and I’m trying to make a change. You’re definitely not alone! 🙂
Thanks so much Reshma, I truly appreciate that!
We all say things that we regret once in a while and I’m learning that parenting is a hard job. Sometimes we may say something in frustration but that just makes us human.
Thank you for sharing this with us, I appreciate knowing that we all have ups and downs:)
Thxs for being open and sharing!